Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Journal Entry #5 (throwback XD)

6-12 August 2007

            This is a bad week for me. My father died.

            He was back from the hospital last Tuesday. I am so glad about this but there were things that happened. After he returned, last Wednesday and Thursday, he cannot talk. There was something that he wanted to tell us but it cannot seem to come out of his mouth. I pity my father and also myself. And then last Saturday was the day he died.

            Early morning I woke up to the sound of my mother saying, “Pa, abri ya boka para pwede toma medicina. Late ya iyo na trabaho.” I fixed my bed. I went to my father, I saw him and he was still okay. Afterwards, I made my project in Social Studies, a drawing of the Magellan’s cross. Then suddenly my sister went to my father. She said that there was something that father wanted to tell us but it cannot go out of his mouth. We got a notebook and a pencil to give my father to know his message to us. When we gave it to him, he was starting to write but he cannot because he did not have the strength anymore. That time, my mother was at the hospital, working. We called our aunt. We told her what had happened.

            My aunt arrived and helped us. We made flash cards of the alphabet and paste in on a folder. The only thing that my father needed to do was to point out the letters then we will arrange it to know his message. The first letter he pointed out was the letter “C.” We thought he meant ‘Cecil,’ my mother, and that he wanted to talk with her. Then, we rushed to text my mother to go home because father wants to talk with her. Then again, he was making another word. The letters he pointed out were ‘R’, ‘A’, and ‘T’. We thought at first it was RAT but not. What he really meant was ‘TRABAHO.’ The he pointed his bag and my aunt asked, “Kosa chene na bag? Baka chene gold.”  We laughed and opened his bag. It has in it a lotto ticket. The numbers there were the years each of us was born. (My aunt bet it. We hoped it would win.) Then my father had a heart attack and I suddenly cried. We prayed the rosary. In the middle of our prayer, my father’s eyes suddenly looked up and we all panicked but continued to pray the rosary. After praying, my father was okay so I went to our room and slept.

            My cousin woke me up and said that my father died… I cried. I went to my father’s side to check if it’s true, then it is truly true… I cried and cried and cried…

            My mother arrived with an ambulance. On my mother’s way home, my father has already died. “Porque tu nuay espera kumigo? Porque?” My mother cried. And with her tears were the clenching of my heart.


            Until now, I can still recall the days we’ve been together as a whole family. And I can also recall my graduation day, when my father, hand in hand, marched with me.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

trapped...


          "i'm trying to do what i can. trying to like doing what you want me to do. but you having expectations makes me feel like a bird trapped in a gilded cage. limited. trapped. can't spread my wings, soar, and enjoy the sky up above.

          "expectations make me feel pressured and pressure is one of the things i don't want to be submitted to. not submitting to it therefore ended with me failing. not meeting what you expect.

          "i know you just care about me and my future. you want to guide me to be a better person. but please... don't make me feel trapped."

^ those are the words i wanted to tell HER



Monday, April 8, 2013

Eating Chocolates ^o^


Would it always be like this? 

I'm fully aware that my tooth will ache whenever i eat too much chocolates... but... i just can't help having a bite and then it will eventually lead to me eating the entire one.

Why do i still eat even though i already know in the first place that it would only give me pain? Well, besides pain it would also give me pleasure. Pleasure through satisfaction. Pleasure because the need in me was satisfied. Maybe that's the reason for it all. It's not always the negative thing that counts. There would always be the other side of the coin.

Pleasure over pain. Maybe, the pain i'd feel is worth less than the happiness that comes with it :) that even though i would only hurt myself in doing it, i'd still continue eating those chocolates. Pain is next to nothing when you are doing something that makes you happy. Happiness through pain. Masochistic though it may sound, but that's just how i feel :)

and i'm not talking about chocolates ^_____^

if you know what i mean.. :P


Monday, October 22, 2012

ehem! ehem! ehem!

i'm really confused..

i don't know.. i know i have a crush on this certain guy i met randomly at school, but, for it to last for, i think, at least 7 months now, is it possible? crush lang ba 'to te? or imagination ko lang?

i think it's not a mere crush anymore.. it's love!

wahaha :D sinong niloko ko? me? fall in love again and to a stranger pa? heller!

i think that's not really what i feel. i mean, i think i don't feel something special for him. but if that's the case, why would i always find myself stalking up his profile in facebook, being so giddy when he greeted me on my birthday, and be so speechless when texting with him? uwaaaaaaah!! HINDI KO ALAM!

baka nga gumagana lang ang imagination ko dahil sa kakabasa ng mga romantic novels and wattpad. baka gusto ko lang ma-feel kung paano mainlove kaya heto ako, NAGHANAP. timing naman na may dumating na taong twice ko lng nkita in person at naging crush ko at first sight kaya i grabbed the chance and made him my inspiration. pero parang sumosobra naman yata ako eh. hanggang crush nga lang diba? pero bakit saan-saan na napupunta? nagtatanong na ako kung anong ugali niya, kung may lovelife ba siya, at kung ano ang buhay niya nung high school... ANO BA ITETCH?!!

pero hindi eh.. feeling ko tlga hnd un ganon.. feeling ko nga hindi ko siya crush.. sinasabi ko lang un para may lovelife kuno ako,, kawawa naman ako.. haaiisst.. imagination nga naman! saan-saan tlga napupunta!

pinagtataka ko lang ay.. bakit.. bakit kahit twice,, or i mean,, two days ko lang siyang nakita sa tanang buhay ko (YET), ay ganito na ang epekto niya sa akin?! why do i feel like i like him more when i don't see him in person than seeing him in the flesh?! siguro, kailangan ko lang siyang makita ulit para mawala na 'tong kalokohan na iniisip ko! siguro nga nuh? pra mging less and less and less tapos ZERO nah! yehey! TAPOS NAH! sana gnon lang un kadali nuh? try daw! :D


pero hindi pa rin nawawala sa isip ko na baka hindi naman tlga siya ang gusto ko. kundi ang idea na may tao akong gusto? you know what i mean? uwaaaaah~! feeling ko kasi ginagamit ko lang siya para bigyan ng pangalan ang feelings ko :( kumbaga, para may kung saan lng akong pambuhos ng feelings para hindi siya mabigat sa loob. haaaaisst!! TARUNG BA! UNSA BA TLGA? (kebraw ia man!)

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Paasa ka dre! :"(

Of all the kinds of men created in this world the worst is those that are good in saying things but easily forgets it the next day.. :"(

'Yung tipong pa-fall na lalake! kainis lng eh! :( kahapon lang sinasabihan ka ng sweet things tapos ngayon pinag-uusapan kung ano na ang gagawin niya para sa ibang girl...

Haaaaaay naku!! lagi na lang bang ganito? :"(

Sabi ko diba dati, sawa na ako sa ganito... 'yung tipong naniniwala agad ako sa sinasabi nila.. peroooo.. akala ko kasi totoo na eh.. :( akala ko totoo na ang sinasabi.. :( hindi naman pala.. nauto na naman ako.. naloko.. pero pano ba kasi malaman kung totoo na o hinde ang sinasabi?

Bakit kasi kayo ganyan? Anong tingin niyo sa amin? Past time? DoTA na pwd niyong paglaruan at pagpraktisan? nabuengs na dre! FYI, HINDI KAME LARUAN!!!!! >____<

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

ENVY and LONGING :'(


Selos ako sa mga friends kong may lovelife.. taz sa akin pa nila kino-confide feelings nila.. :’( ouch nmn un dre! hnd nmn sa bitter ako o anuman.. i just wanna know what it feels like to be in love once again.. feeling it flow throughout your body.. ung feeling na may pinapahalagahan ka.. yung tipong ayaw mo syang mawala sau.. gusto ko ng gnon eh.. kahit hnd na niya i-reciprocate feelings ko.. kahit one-sided lng okay na skin.. masakit man o desperada man pakinggan… i just wanna know what love is all over again before it hit me off-guard the next time i fall.. :’(

pwd bang ako rin? pwd ako rin naman sana meron? :’(

pero siguro it’s not yet time for me to feel it.. maybe i need to set my priorities first.. ia harta ia man tamen del grade six pati high school! :D

pero hindi eh.. i just feel so.. empty.. like there’s something missing within me.. like a hole waiting to be filled up with something.. or someone.. epekto kasi ‘to ng pagbabasa ng maraming romantic novels eh! dagdagan pa ng mga stories sa wattpad! ian tuloy, i made myself long for love.. haaaaiiisst.. anubeyen!! kalerki oi! i find myself in love with the idea of love! haynaku! kalerki jud oi! gustung-gusto mainlove tapos kung masaktan nmn hihilingin na sana hindi na lang nagmamahal! na unsa naman ku oi? nabuengs nah!

humahaba nmn ‘to dre! plano ko mag-stat lng sa facebook bakit prang nobela na ang paroroonan nito? WHAT MAN? anu-ano nlng pumapasok sa isip ko!! >___<

GUSTO KO LANG NAMAN MA-INLOVE ULIT EH. >o< PERIOD.

Crush ko siya! wahaha :D

hmm.. it all started like this..

it was Ash Wednesday when i first saw him. he was a just a friend of my friends who happens to be on a vacation from school because of having no class for 2 or 3 days in particular i guess.. i don't know..(-.-)?

we were in the school cafeteria that time when my friend told us that a friend of hers (who happens to be her HS classmate and Alumnus of the university HS) came home and visited the school... and while we're talking, in came the guy of the talk.. i haven't felt it yet at first.. for all i saw was his back! (sexy back! :D)

but when that moment came, when i turned around and had a good look at him, shootness dude! he, too, was looking at our group! who wouldn't when obviously a group of girls are talking about you and a member of that group happens to be your friend! wahaha :D i was mesmerized by his eyes.. i really love those pair! *o* it glistens like shining shimmering splendid!!! for a fraction of a second i was captivated by those oh-so-wonderful pair! *o* but of course i looked away! wahaha :D masama baya tumitig sa tao ng matagal! it's rude to look, i mean, STARE at people! wahaha :D but i love that moment! that was when i realized "crush ko siya! wahaha :D"